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I’m on the outside looking in…

March 6, 2010

Been getting benched a lot lately…

I was recruited away from my home server of 4 years for a full-time position with my current guild by two dear friends.

At the time, it was clear that what I was being recruited for was a full-time spot and being your typical over-confident healing Priest, I didn’t listen very closely to the warnings their exiting disc priest told me about how he was benched constantly. I chalked his unhappiness up to not being an aggressive enough healer and not proving his worth and promised myself that *I* would be the Disc Priest that would show them how awesome Disc can be.

My trial month was filled with constant raid invites, PVP healing invites, randoms, etc. I loved it, and felt like things were really on track for me. I gained several raid achievements and even though I was still a recruit, my healing team peers advocated to get me slotted for a coveted spot on the team for Celestial Defender. Things were great.

After my trial period was over and I accepted the guild membership, things started to slow down. Several more healers were recruited to the guild and raid healing slots got very hard to land. I was turned off tank healing as it became obvious that the way to justify one’s spot in the raid was to dominate the meters. Disc healing and mitigation in general was called into question a few times after progression wipes, and even though I tried to explain how my spec and class works, and provided logs to show I was doing what I was supposed to, PLUS leading the charts by leaps and bounds, the RL and a few key officers didn’t really get it.  I found myself, despite near perfect execution on most of the fights, sitting outside of ICC more and more.

Eventually it got to the point where I was sitting more than I was raiding, and growing restless with inactivity.
My new server is a low population server and there is nothing fun to do that isn’t solo most of the time. Worse, I began to feel rusty when I was allowed to join raids and had been fighting a growing desire to just log out and play my Warden on EQII.

My healing peers were as baffled as I, and we all scratched our heads over the situation and made sure by scanning logs and searching our memories that the reason I was getting sat so much wasn’t my gameplay or raid-awareness. But in the end, there was little anyone could do to get me a slot because the person making the choices for raid slots didn’t understand the value of a disc priest.

Finally I came to the conclusion that even though I love my guild, and they don’t stint on gear or treat me badly, I am just too competitive to be happy sitting night after night listening in vent to my friends having the time of their lives. After talking it over with a few friends and officers, I faced the fact that I had to do some soul searching and make some decisions if I am to raid like I wish and enjoy this game.

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